指出错误.并写一下小评语,感激不尽,I have a friend who was my classmate.Her father is a pliceman.So her father always not at home,her mother takes her seriously.She always signed and told me that she had a bad luck.I asked the reason.she

指出错误.并写一下小评语,感激不尽,I have a friend who was my classmate.Her father is a pliceman.So her father always not at home,her mother takes her seriously.She always signed and told me that she had a bad luck.I asked the reason.she
指出错误.并写一下小评语,感激不尽,
I have a friend who was my classmate.Her father is a pliceman.So her father always not at home,her mother takes her seriously.She always signed and told me that she had a bad luck.I asked the reason.she told me that her mother is too serious to limit her,she can't play computer,cellphone and read youth novel.she can't go out on weekends.if someone called her,her mother would ask him/her about his/her score and family.T worst thing as her mother would check her bag and room without her perimt.All the things her mother done made her felt ashamed and sorrowful.She thought that she was old enough to deal with her life but her mother forbidden.She thought it was a bad luck to have such a mother."You are so lucky,your parents would not force you to do anything,they respect your opinions and would not check your bag and room,they gives you your private space.It is truth,I had no idea to comfort her."I want to have such parents,too!"At that moment,I thought about my family.Every day I back home,my father would wait for me at doorway,mom has prepare a very delicious dinner.How warm it is.I looked into her eyes.On the one hand,I thought her mother is loving her so much that can not control her concern.I asked her,"why not think about reason your mother done these?""why?"She was confused."Because of love",she was shocked and seemed like can't believe it."But I don't think she used a right way.Maybe you can talk to her,make her know more about you and realize you're a adult."I said."Compare with some orphans,your are so lucky."I gave her word back and smiled.When we are born into world,we are be loved.Even if orphans,they have choices to love and to be loved.So lucky we are.In my opinion,"luck"just a word.It depends on my mind.

指出错误.并写一下小评语,感激不尽,I have a friend who was my classmate.Her father is a pliceman.So her father always not at home,her mother takes her seriously.She always signed and told me that she had a bad luck.I asked the reason.she
So her father always not at home应改为So her father always is not at home；
T worst thing as her mother would check her bag and room without her perimt.应改为The worst thing is that her mother would check her bag and room without her perimt；
All the things her mother done made her felt ashamed and sorrowful.应改为All the things her mother done made her feel ashamed and sorrowful；
On the one hand,I thought her mother is loving her so much that can not control her concern.应改为On the one hand,I thought her mother was loving her so much that can not control her concern.
she was shocked and seemed like can't believe it.应改为she was shocked and couldn't seem like to believe it.
When we are born into world,we are be loved.应改为When we were born into world,we were loved.
文章条理清楚,只不过有一些语法错误,但总体而言,不愧为一篇佳作

先把文章分个段吧，看着好凌乱

I have a friend who is my classmate.Her father is a pliceman.So her father is always not at home,her mother takes her seriously.She always signs and tells me that she had a bad luck.I asked the reason...

全部展开

I have a friend who is my classmate.Her father is a pliceman.So her father is always not at home,her mother takes her seriously.She always signs and tells me that she had a bad luck.I asked the reason.she told me that her mother is too serious to limit her,she can't play computer,cellphone and read youth novel.she can't go out on weekends.if someone called her,her mother would ask him/her about his/her score and family.T worst thing as her mother would check her bag and room without her perimt.All the things her mother done made her felt ashamed and sorrowful.She thought that she was old enough to deal with her life but her mother forbidden.She thought it was a bad luck to have such a mother."You are so lucky,your parents would not force you to do anything,they respect your opinions and would not check your bag and room,they gives you your private space.It is truth,I had no idea to comfort her."I want to have such parents,too!"At that moment,I thought about my family.Every day I back home,my father would wait for me at doorway,mom has prepare a very delicious dinner.How warm it is.I looked into her eyes.On the one hand,I thought her mother is loving her so much that can not control her concern.I asked her,"why not think about reason your mother done these?""why?"She was confused."Because of love",she was shocked and seemed like can't believe it."But I don't think she used a right way.Maybe you can talk to her,make her know more about you and realize you're a adult."I said."Compare with some orphans,your are so lucky."I gave her word back and smiled.When we are born into world,we are be loved.Even if orphans,they have choices to love and to be loved.So lucky we are.In my opinion,"luck"just a word.It depends on my mind.
算了。你那时态的运用简直叫人凌乱了。

收起